One of my good friends used to say that every time he would tell an epic story. I'll miss him. Well here it is. I've been pursuing a mission since October 6 2012. But my desire to go on a mission started a long time before that. When I was 14 I was sitting in a sacrament meeting and felt a strong desire that I should pursue a mission. I shrugged it off rationalizing that a mission was only for those super old girls (because 21 is just ancient... :p I'm 20).
The next time was at a ward my family was visiting on vacation. Some sisters were there and one of them looked at me and mentioned a mission. I kind of laughed it off and said that I wasn't a missionary right then and that I probably wouldn't be. The sister immediately replied, "We're all missionaries." I knew she was right but didn't know how it applied to me.
A few years later, my family went to Park City for a day. My mom and I were walking up and down main street when we stopped in the Family History Center. Run by the church, the center focuses on Genealogy and missionary work. The sister missionaries that gave us the tour were beautiful young women full of life, love and a passion for missionary work. One of the girls, a short, blue-eyed, curly blonde haired sister talked with me about being a missionary. While we were talking, I couldn't help but notice the light shining in her eyes. She truly had Christ's light engraved on her countenance. This trip happened after a dark time in my life and I thought to myself, "Wow. I wish I could have light like that. Maybe I need to go on a mission to get it."
On October 6, 2012 President Monson announced that sisters could start their missions at age 19. having just turned 19 that summer, I knew immediately that this was what I was supposed to do. A few months prior to the announcement I was living life but extremely unhappy. I had started my third semester of college but I couldn't figure out why I felt like I needed to be doing something else. I felt a pull in my spirit that suggested I had a greater path before me but I didn't know what it was. I felt disconnected from college. This caused me to be disengaged from my classes and it made no sense because I was finally pursuing my dream major. I was in a relationship with a wonderful young man but I didn't want to be married at such a young age. We were going to different schools and he wasn't in a position to marry for another year. I had friends I was worried about and others who were going on missions. I had wonderful roommates but there were times where I felt like the black sheep of the roomies. What it really felt like was that I was living in a fog. A fog of uncertainty, anxiety, lack of motivation, selfishness and confusion. Life was becoming dull, boring, and there was a lack of progression. The worst part was that I couldn't figure out the reasons behind any of it.
But when the announcement was made, it was a profound spiritual experience for me. Immediately the mental, emotional and spiritual fog in life cleared up. I knew exactly what I was supposed to do. I called my parents and through tears, said, "Mom, Dad I think I'm going on a mission." I immediately contacted my Bishop and started my papers that day. I had never felt such enthusiasm towards a goal in my life. All I wanted to do was quit school that semester but the housing market crashed at SUU because all the sisters left and it would've been a nightmare to try and sell my contract. I had recruited most of my roommates to live with me and felt it would be unfair to just pick up and leave. I was the Relief Society President in my YSA ward and I didn't want to leave my bishop empty handed. Overall, I felt like I just needed to stay at school and finish out the year. I did and I'm glad I did.
But my mission prep started. I bought Preach my Gospel and my life changed the minute I opened that great book. I started doing daily scripture study and tried to see everyone around me as my brothers and sisters in the Gospel. I enrolled in Mission Prep in Institute. Life got easier but it also got harder. Immediately after I decided to go, I was filled with doubts and anxiety. What would happen to my family, school, the guy, my roommates, my job, and my life? Would I be a good missionary? Would I get sent to Milan, Italy, the place of my dreams and the mission I desired most of all? How would I afford it? These questions spun for weeks in my brain. It wasn't until I went to the temple with my mother that I found peace. After that temple trip, I had made my decision. I was going on a mission and nothing was going to stop me.
It hasn't been an easy journey. I injured my neck, left knee, left elbow, and right foot. I had 5 illnesses including one that left me with an insanely swollen lymphnode gland that almost required hospitalization. I've had more shots and spent more time in a doctors office in a year than in my entire life combined. Learning to be happily single and pull myself out of the dating market was an awkward transition as I had spent the last ten years perfecting the art of flirting. I had to change a lot of little habits and decide what kind of missionary I wanted to be. The hardest challenge has been learning how to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost and accept the Lord's will in my life rather than just doing whatever I want. It wasn't until right before my mission that I started to be able to master this.
But there have been so many blessings from this decision. I was able to go through the temple and receive my endowment which has brought more blessings into my life than I could imagine. I enrolled in Krav Maga and now have almost a years worth of training under my belt. Krav helped me build my physical, emotional and mental strength. It boosted my confidence and has helped me learn how to be consistent and endure hard things. Krav taught me that even though it's hard, I can't stop, quit or give up. I have to keep going. My bestest friend in the world moved in with my family and I and shared my room with me. We've grown closer and I love her as if she was my sister. She taught me so much about life, pain, happiness, missionary work and love. I've learned so much about patience. I got my call in July and would have to wait till November to report. There have been many nights where I would wish with all my heart that I could just run away from Italy and forget about preparing. But then something would happen that would remind me why I have to be home. I coached and chaperoned for my Middle School's Shakespeare Team. I will never forget the three days of bliss and the weeks of learning and hard work that made that experience one of the best this year. Another one of my friends, a guy I had dated for a while but then we just decided to be friends, started coming back to church and we would have tons of gospel centered discussions. It was the greatest experience to hear him tell of the changes he was making in his life to become the person he wants to be.
A special experience has been to talk with my father about his mission. He has taught me so much about what it means to be a missionary and looking at his mission pictures and hearing the stories was absolutely priceless. My aunt who also served a mission has taught me so much about what it means to be a sister missionary and how I can keep refining myself to be a better servant of the Lord.
Soon I will give my farewell talk and next week I will enter the MTC. The process has started. For a while I was a mess. I felt tons of different emotions all the time but now I feel peace. It will be hard to leave my family but like the quote says, "Missionaries leave their families for a short time so others can be with their families for an eternity.
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